Becoming an adult.

In this post I am going to be painfully honest. So honest that I am actually scared, because I hate that this is the truth about who I am. I hate that I am this person. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I can not overcome it.

I’ve never felt like I HAD to grow up before. For the past 18 years of my life I have been in school being taught weird maths sums,sociological names and what a noun is. I’ve never really been introduced into the adult world of bills and responsibilities. I still feel like a child and it scares me to think that I’m not any more. I no longer have a hand to guide me through my life, now my hand is empty, and I have to guide myself.

A lot of people may love this opportunity. While I’m sure they find it a little scary at first, they just seem to go with it. Able to make the right choices and have the confidence to really and truly plan for their future. Unlike me, who finds it easier running away from her problems then actually facing them.

I feel like I’ve been dumped into the world of adults, with no where I belong. I don’t have a plan for the future, heck I don’t have a plan for next month. All I know is that right now I’m literally just gliding through life as an unimportant spectator who is just too scared to do anything about it.

I don’t have a dream, and in every strength I have there is always a fault that counteracts it and makes it a negative. I’ve already made so many mistakes, more than I feel like the average person should, and I am letting those mistakes rule my life and control everything I do.

The point is, I never thought I would be this person. Back in the days of my blissful ignorance I thought I had a bright future. Now all I see is uncertainty, disappointment and mountains that are impossible for me to climb. I have always wanted to make the most of life, travel to see the greatest cities of all, try canoeing, try archery, read all of the books on my TBR pile. Yet now, I just can’t find any of this possible or exciting any more. All I want to do is curl up in my bed, hide away from the rest of the world and never face my biggest fear which is an inevitable consequence of being a human. Becoming an adult.

Library Haul

Recently I’ve gained this new mind set where I don’t seem to care if I own the book or not. So rather then spending loads of money on books that I am most probably only going to read once, I have decided to start getting them from the library… the only problem is that I go there for one book, and I come away with 10. But hey… they’re free!

1. The Art of being normal by Lisa Williamson.

I am loving the sound of this book, yet for some reason none of the blogs or booktubers I follow seem to even know this book exists! This book sounds like a truly inspiring novel. It follows two boys, Leo and David, who are both struggling with their identity. David wants to be a girl and Leo stands up for David in a fight, which I’m guessing makes him not so popular with the cool kids. I have never read a book about a transsexual, in fact this is the first I have ever heard of so I am extremely interested in seeing how it is portrayed in a book. The hashtag for this book is #whatisnormal which I absolutely love because it challenges what the idea of ‘normal’ is.

2. Where’d you go Bernadette by Maria Semple

I remember seeing this book a long time ago on booktube but I was never really all that interested. That is until I found it in the library in the ‘top reads’ section and thought it looked like a great summer read. This follows a women called Bernadette who is a ‘legendary architect’ and also a mum. She does missing and while her daughter searches for her, she discovers some secrets. The reviews on the book include words such as ‘witty,’ ‘hilarious,’ ‘accomplished’ and ‘life-affirming.’ I’m really intrigued by this book.

3. Beautiful Oblivion by Jamie Mcguire

When I think of perfect summer reads I think of saucy romances with a hot and troubled male falling for a shy but challenging female. If you think that too, then this book is perfect for you. This book is a companion novel to Beautiful Disaster and follows a new Maddox brother and his journey to falling in love. I have actually read this book and while I didn’t enjoy it quite as much as Beautiful Disaster it was a fun read. It’s the usual college based romance but the characters are really fun to read about, the only problem I had is that I didn’t feel much chemistry between them.

 4. All Our Yesterdays by Cristin Terrill

 This book has intrigued me since the first time I saw it over a year ago and since then I have picked up this book multiple times in book shops and put it into my watch list on the book people website, and yet I never got around to buying it. When I went into the library I went with the intent of only buying one book, yet somehow I came away with 5 and this was one of them. This I believe is a dystopia novel with a hint of time travel mixed into it. The plots too confusing for me to explain but I will be doing a review of it and all of these books hopefully.

5. Mermaids: Myths, Legend and Lore by Skye Alexander

This is a bit of a strange pick for me, but I have an explanation! This book is a non-fiction (sort of) about the myths and legends surrounding mermaids. I’ve always been intrigued by mermaids since I was a little kid and I’ve recently been thinking that there are not enough good mermaid books out there. Now that I have finished school and have a lot of spare time on my hands, I have decided to write a fictional novel on mermaids. However to do this I wanted to improve my knowledge on them, so I found this book in the library… and then came out with a few more.

6. Myths and Legends of Ancient Egypt by Joyce Tyldesley

In primary school, I remember my favourite thing to learn about was ancient Egypt. I loved learning about the gods and Cleopatra, so when I found this next to the mermaids book I really couldn’t resist it. This book supposedly covers all lives of Ancient Egyptians, the rich and poor, men and women, farmer and Pharaoh. I’ve always wanted to read an easy to understand book on Ancient Egypt so I am pretty excited to read this.

7. Merlin: The Prophet and it’s History by Geoffrey Ashe

I will admit this is one I most probably won’t read (along with the next one.) I basically got these because the BBC TV show ‘Merlin’ is my favourite TV show EVER and I thought I might be interested in learning about the true legend, now I’m thinking I actually don’t care and might just watch the TV show again. Geoffrey Ashe was an Arthurian scholar and is basically convinced that Merlin was actually a real person, (again I probably won’t read this.)

8. The Classic Guide to King Arthur by Dr Keith Souter

This is a guide to all main facts and legends surrounding King Arthur. This one sounds a lot more interested so I probably will read this, just so I can compare the legends with the TV show and see how closely they actually follow it.

So those are the books I borrowed on my adventures in the library. I’m hoping to review most of them but I am at the moment kind of obsessed with re-reading Harry Potter so I don’t know if I’ll be able to get to them all. Let me know if you have any specifically you would like me to review.

Thanks for reading.


Goals for Summer!

In between applying for jobs and planning my future I am hoping to have a bit of spare time this summer to read. So I am going to share with you some books that I really hope to complete over the next two months.

The first will be the Harry Potter books… again. I can never get enough of Harry’s adventures at Hogwarts and it feels like years since I read order of the phoenix and half blood prince (two of the more larger books in the series and therefore more intimidating.) While I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to complete the entire series, I do hope to get through as many of the books as possible.

I would also like to read more of the contemporary books on my shelf. There’s nothing I like more than to sit in my garden on my swing chair with a cliche summer romance novel that just reminds me how it sucks to be single. (Jokes.) (Not really.) These books include the summer I turned pretty trilogy by Jenny Han, some Kasie West and Sarah Dessen novels, the statistical probability of love at first sight by Jennifer E. Smith and finally one of Stephanie Perkins books, because it’s not summer without a bit of St.Claire in it.

I also wish to finally finish the lord of the rings series, or at least the first one. I have started it… but the characters… they’re just so weird!

So those are all of the main books I would like to complete this summer. If I am able to get to all of these I am sure it will be a great summer full of great books, lemonade, ice cream and of course Wimbledon. (COME ON ANDY!!)

Thanks for reading

Jess xxx